My Lord asked me to do three things:
My heart wrangled, tangled in ropes, and tugged in many directions. Equal force from every line, I curl, hugging knees, unsure as to which pull to go with.
I cannot see to the end of any of the ropes: where should I live? Who should I love? Who will love me? Which job?
Which work out routine? Lunch? Which Bible verse should I memorize next? Which book should I read? Theology? Doctrine?
Which where when who how why.
For starters, I don’t know the exact answer to any of those questions. Thats why I have rope burns. But walk with me this afternoon as I try to cut some ropes in search of clarity and peace.
“Obedience Softens the heart” a friend of mine told me last week. The whole message he delivered was good.. I don’t remember anything about it, but only because those four words have really stuck with me.
Obedience softens, He molds.
“Worrying is basically praying for something you don’t want to happen to happen” my sister reminded me of this today while she was trying her best to talk be off the edge.
She is correct. not only is it counter productive, it is disobedient. The Word tells me over and over to not worry. To not lean on my own understanding, but to trust in Him with my whole heart.
“Trust isn’t [always] waiting for God to show you. It is taking a step and trusting that God will be there” mom encouraged me with those words last week.
Trust is an exercise that builds faith muscles. For the intimate relationship God yearns for between He and I, strong faith muscles are required.
Trust is choosing to believe that He knows best and cares most for me and my life. As a disciple of Christ I have the Word as a light unto my feet, so that I see the steps in front of me. Everything is supposed to fade in the shadows. Trust grows one step at a time.
Trust, I breath.
I am always brought back to this simple reminder whenever I succumb to anxiety: Give thanks for all things, in all things.
Simply seek out opportunities to be grateful and be purposeful about expressing them.
An attitude of praise and thanks opens the heart as well, because (like trust) praise falls under the category of obedience.
The scripture is clear about instructing us to worship God.
Praise, I smile.
All of the ropes, knotted and taught, meet the ground in a cloud of dust; Clarity: Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, then all of these things will be added to you.
My Lord, so ravenous for my heart, jealous for my soul, wants me to seek Him first.
I don’t know which tug to follow because I lost sight of what is most important.
Relationship with HIm.
Despite my surroundings, despite my circumstances. Despite the excitements, despite the let downs.
Prioritizing, structuring your day so that He is the beginning, the middle and the end.
That is what is most important. Though some ropes may tighten their grip, keeping my eyes focused, purposefully placed on His eyes, extinguishes the tug-of-war over my heart.
Practically speaking, the steps I’ve taken to nurture my relationship with Him is memorizing His words. You learn a lot about someone when you know what they say, stand for, are about.
When I have Him first, everything else falls into place around Him.
That is how its supposed to be.
Like carrying rocks in a bucket; fill your bucket with the big rocks first, then pour in the little one around the big ones. Everything fits.
I have memorized Psalm 139 and Psalm 23 this past month.
Ironic (or not), Psalm 139 talks about how I cannot escape His presence in my life. He is here, wherever I go. When my heart is inclined to His and there are many ropes to chose form, He says “Go! I’m with you! Before and behind you”.
I have to go now. Off to a meeting.
i wanted to share this song, “Stay and Wait” by Hillsong: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ya5lpGxMB30
The words that have rung in my heart the past two days are:
” I will wait and hold fast to Your word
Heart on Your heart and my eyes on Yours”