K#20|

Where can my heart rest?

Breakable fragile as glass.

Shattered once again

shards scattered, pieces won’t fit.

Where can it be safe?

Delicate emotional masterpiece.

From the highest joy to the deepest low

For safety, where can this heart go?

Vulnerable, one step out

costs many sleepless nights with doubt.

Morning wakes I rebuild walls

only to wait until (again) they fall.

I think, then feel, then hope, then speak, then act, then fall, then rebuild my walls.

I cannot endure another demolition.

Dear heart, please stop dreaming.

Paper heart

scuffs and marks.

creases from folds

crumpled old

unlovable

weak  fragile.

paper heart .

Heart, breath.

Cupped in His palms.

Safe and warm

Just be.

To put it lightly, under some intense emotional stress (if you couldn’t tell).

Internalizing emotions and thoughts for that past few weeks. Over analyzing and agonizing over things that I have NO control over. How human can you be?

One day, life will be a little easier. I always make it harder on myself by focusing on  moi (me).

It’s hard to ignore pulsing emotions.

For me anyway.

Its difficult for me to function or act separate from how I feel.  Which makes life difficult because I am never steady or peaceful. Up or down. Never in the middle.

It is exhausting.

Still seeking for the hidden “good” in my extreme personality… God doesn’t make mistakes. I need new eyes to see the good in these mountain vs. valley swings I have so constantly.

He knows my heart completely. He understands it entirely. Volatility and all.

You Have Me” Gungor

Thank you Father.

When I feel, help me remember that You see my heart entirely. And You understand it. You need it surrendered to you. Detached form the world and completely immersed in Truth.

Help me remember to pray. To ask for help during the day. Help me to remember to depend on You.

Help me remember that You have me.

In your hands is where I am. I can rest there, knowing that you see all and have my best interest at Your heart. Your best may look different form my best, but whatever sort of trial or circumstance You’re allowing me to endure, I know it is out of love for me that you’re guiding me through this refining time.

So thank You for loving me enough to challenge my heart. Threadbare, holes and tares, test it, mend it, refill so that Your love and heart will spill out and infect the world around me.

Amen.

Carry My Soul” Phil Wickham

Please Be My Strength” Gungor

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