K#14|Mind Soil – Most Fertile Ground

” Giving thanks for one thousand things is ultimately an invitation to slow time down with weight of full attention. “
Full weight of attention. 
The Weight of full attention. 
To live life, requires that you  learn how to experience time moment by moment.
Breath by breath.
Slowing the clock down with a simple “Thank You!” ?
That is gratitude.
Pausing to say “Thanks”.
Looking for avenues to express gratefulness.
Time is  a racing river.
Rushing.
A river raging to meet its end without any regard for anyone’s need to stop.
You cannot bottle time.
Time stops for no one.
It is a constant stream.
Never exhausts.
Never needing a break.
I would really love to stop time in order to make up for the many (many many) days, hours, minutes and seconds that I’ve wasted, existing as a hollow body wafting through the earth totally void of passion or pursuit. To busy hurting.
Steady focus only on me and my disappointments. Deaf ears and blind eyes to world of gifts and people loving around.
Heart calloused, guarded and bruised. Holding onto my pain because I felt wronged.
To much hurt.
To much disappointment.
Not enough for me.
To.
Much.
Self.
Lord, forgive me.
I didn’t know why He wouldn’t  freeze time for me. Wasn’t I important enough to Him? Why wouldn’t he go out of His way to halt the universe, orbits and the earth all in mid twirl, so that I could somehow ‘fix’ the damages, revive the wasted, revisit the regrets and make everything all better. So I could feel better.
False promise of joy, turns out.
A remedy completely relying on myself.
Self strength.
I want to erase the F- ‘s all the way through the B+’s. Swipe clean so I’ll be clean. Perfect. I want to be. Oh so beautiful, blemish-less, spotless. I don’t like the sin in my life. Why doesn’t it go away when you close your eyes? Why isn’t there a multi dimensional ‘sin’ eraser?
You’d think with all of the technology we have today…
Here I am again. Trying to tame the untamable. Trying to outsmart the calendar. Trying to stall the clock. How can I keep time from falling through my sieve? Is it my job to hoard hours? Where is it all going anyway?
Thoughts that will drive you crazy.
Blast you finite mind.
I understand now. His reasoning that is. I understand how He uses this earthly fire ground to refine us into His Son’s likeness. For His name’s sake (2 Corinthians 13:8, Romans 8:28, Psalm 66:10, James 1:2-4).
I understand now how it is necessary to wander, squander, fail and fall, suffer and cry through various periods of our life. Through time.
During this-so-called “dash” between our birth date and our last breath of murky earth air.
I see how He uses it as a tool.
I understand how deeply He cares for us (at least learning). I see His grace (that is, getting something we don’t deserve) and His mercy (not getting something we do deserve) governing my circumstances and ‘trials’.
I am learning to really see His goodness in the rubble. I see his fingerprints when I’m stripped bare–on my skin and in my heart I know His hands are holding me. (Proverbs 3:12, Hebrews 12:6, Psalm 91).
For the darker the pain, the brighter the glory.
The deeper the suffering, the fuller the joy.
It is in His mercy and grace that the seemingly bad things happen.
Crevices in my heart crack then gape under pressure.
I can count the ‘happy’ gift all day long, but it is hard to find the beauty in torn down rugged frayed bruised bleeding aching.
Gifts in the dingy.
Thanksgiving in the pain.
Gratitude and resistance–all at once?
Pain and joy are arteries of the same heart. They serve their purposes and keeping in the Biblical theme of balance (as a reflection of God’s character) I want/need to learn how to view the trying times with eucharisteo, too.
“Consider it all joy bretheren…” thus the anthem of James.
All Joy. 
How?
Open your eyes. Pray for eyes to see.
“The enemy comes to kill steal and destroy but I have come that you may have life and have it to the full.” (john 10:10).
The enemy of our souls is aiming to destroy us. He suggests doubt quietly in our mind.
In our thoughts we let doubt grow.
A vicious cancerous weed. We view our circumstances through this doubt (often fueled my our ignorance of Truth) and we crumble under the weight of “defeat”.
Can you not see? Are you too suffering from spiritual alzhymers? Forgetting what is truth and where the lies re hiding?
The enemy has no power over us (Luke 10:19).
The Lord gives and takes away (job 1:21).
Every good and perfect gift comes from Him (James 1:17).
He chastens the ones He loves (Hebrews 12:6).
Consider it all joy when you face trials of many kinds because the testing of our faith produces perseverance (James 1:2-4).
He allows heavy things to happen in our life (James 1:12, , 1 Peter 4:12-13)
All the while we are cupped in His loving hands (1 Corinthians 10:13, John 16;33, Psalm 23, psalm 91).
Under his watch he allows us to wander. He is the good shepherd. He allows us to stumble. He allows us to become depleted. He allows us to fall. He allows is to break. He allows us to mourn, to be weak and fragile (Matthew 5).
In the process of the heartache that the world so fervently offers,  I begin to slowly, under-currently, recognize my complete and utter lack of ability to supply the peace my soul is so wildly craving.
I’m left ravenous.
Which is the point.
I’m not supposed to manufacture peace. That comes from knowing Him and obeying Him.
Peace comes from the Father (Philippians 4:7, Isaiah 26:3, John 14:27, Isaiah 48:18).
Not from circumstances, not from relationships, not form comforts, not form indulgences, not form adventure, not from anything of this earth.
I think we’re supposed to break so that His love, peace, joy will better satisfy.
So we can be closer to Him.
That is where He wants us.
An appetite is the best salt.
He is after my heart–to clean, purge, refine. He loves me. Isaiah 43/44.
I am made pure (1 John 1:7-9, 3:2-3 Hebrews 9:14, Romans 10:10), I am victorious (Philippians 4:13, 1 Corinthians 5:56-58).
The task at hand isn’t to make me righteous enough for heaven. Blood shed, battle won, deal done (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John).
The task at hand is starving the sin in my life with the weedkiller of Truth and APPLICATION.
The fertile soil of the mind needs constant tending.
Its a battlefield.
There are too many verses to suggest on this topic (responsibility of beliefs, attitude, posture, integrity). I like James, Corinthians, Hebrews, Matthew for reading about Godly character.
Really every New Testament book.
Or old.
Just read the Bible.
All of it.
Where cannons once echoed, now stillness blends with the whispering wind.
The vacant grounds of an ended war.
Blood stained the earth so deep, a cry to the father and it was finished.
He rises three days later.
Now on the battlefield dew falls, kisses the brittle earth and life grows.
The ashes lay.
Dust settles and we get to choose what will grows there.
But do we believe that? We have responsibility over what we believe?
Pulling lies that we’ve sown out from the root.
It is hard.
We wonder how they’ve become so strong.
So deep.
So established.
As long as satan can keep us distracted with discontentment, anger, bitterness, hate, greed, self pity, anxiety, temptation or any other sinful thought or act, he is “winning”(even though it has been finished John 19:28-30).
We feed the sin seeds when we agree with the world.
In our hearts.
Music, movies, articles, celebrities, politicians, anything that is in opposition to God’s Word (1st John!!).
When we listen/watch/read, continuously, we are agreeing that the what the world has to say is better, more fulfilling than what God has said.
Don’t give the world nor the prince of this world that pleasure of your attention.
Don’t agree that your ways and your strength is more fulfilling than that which has been accomplished at the cross: death defying power and beauty of our risen Lord Jesus Christ.
Promise of eternal life at the confession from lips and surge in heart (John 10:10, John 3:16-17).
We’re left with a command to tell the world of Him and His Love (Matthew 28). A command to Love Him and to love others (Matthew 22:36-40).
Time isn’t supposed to stop because this is earth is not all there is. He knew that now matter how hard I pounded my fists, that stopping time would set us back form the beauty He has is store for us. For me. He always knows best.
There is more to the story (read Revelation).
Every tick is a minute gained toward the coming of Jesus Christ, a new heaven and new earth.
Not another minute lost to history.
This world is passing.
Nothing in my hands I bring. Simply to the cross I cling.
Humble yourselves.
Skylar, blessed are the humble.
Put your weight of full attention in this truth:
You stand from a position of victory because Christ’s victory at the cross. You are not fighting for victory. He has already done the work (Philippians 4:13).
It is however, your job to be steward of your mind (2 Corinthians 5:10, Romans 12, 1st John, James).
You get to choose what grows in your garden.
All seeds start out small.
Cultivate. Breaking the dry weary earth open.
Working the soil until it is pliable.
Fertilizing the ground.
Planting the seeds.
Watering.
Storms come.
Winds howl, test the integrity. Connection to the source. Stability.
Shaken but not moved. (Psalms 55:22, Hebrews 12:28)

“Therefore, since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe;” Hebrews 12:28

The harvest of gratitude is joy.
It is praise.
It is humility.
It is security.
Blessed are the humble.
Eucharisteo.
Giving thanks.
Pausing.
Looking.
Looking for Him.
Looking for reasons to thank Him.
Plant lie seeds (beliefs) and you’ll reap bitterness, anger, hate, ingratitude and all sorts of ugly.
The mind soil is very fertile.
You will reap what you sow.
Sow gratitude.
Reap more gratitude. Reap praise.
Fullness comes believing in the Truth.
In Christ.
Wholeness.
Whole living.
Living whole means living right.
Living right, loving God and His Word.
Eucharisteo.
Breath by breath, step by step.
Don’t be a hollow body just existing.
Be a warm body with a loud heart reflecting the glory and beauty of Christ.
Thank Him.
Open your heart to see with full weight of attention.
Open your eyes.

“Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. ” Galations 6:6-9

 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:1-2

Thank you Father.
I’ve spilled my thoughts out as eloquently as I can. They are still tangled–riddons dangling beyond my reach floating farther into the blue– There are still untreked trails that I am simply too tired to venture tonight. See my heart and the way it wants to do good. I feel I can utter the words from Romans 7 as if they were my own . . . “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. “
Even now as  I am typing these last few words, I see my eyes looking at my wrongs. The weight of conviction is heavy. Possibly shame? I know to do better. To make every effort (2 Peter 1:5-11, Ephesians 4:3, Hebrews 12:14, Luke 13:24, Romans 14:9).  Thank you for reminding me of the continual task it is to guard my heart. I have not made every effort.
My heart is relearning to beat. As it stings new songs of gratitude, I am dictated by joy to make every effort. Yes, it is out of the gratitude swelling in my heart, and the Joy that comes from know that You loved me so dearly, so preciously, to die for me that I can make every effort. I fall, fail, allow apathy to devour me. But the time is near, even this hour, Father as Your Word said. Help me tend my thoughts. To top wasting time on me stuff and be utterly devoted to Christ stuff. Your word. Your work.
Thank you that your burden is light (Matthew 11:30).
Help me remember to do what is right in Your sight. 
Skylar
 “Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23 (AMP)
74. gratitude and regret swelling my heart–human girl emoting
75.Remembering my weakness. Your way is fullfilling.

76. Remembering: Fireflies imitating the stars above us. Twirling in barn skirts. Dreams pulse. Hope sown. Waiting begins.

77.Fragile times-delicate emotions. Easily shattered.

78. Continuously shattered. Continuously repaired.
79. Shepherd King who leads me by still waters
 
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One thought on “K#14|Mind Soil – Most Fertile Ground”

  1. Dear Skylar,
    Hello! I hope you’re doing well! I miss you guys and have been thinking about you. Hopefully we can talk soon. I feel like I’m suppose to tell you to take a deep breath and focus on the blessings in your life. Don’t worry. Hopefully we can talk soon! 🙂 LOVE,

    Jennifer~

    Liked by 1 person

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