K#4|Not Much.

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Good morning!

It is 9:37am. Today the sky is clear (as it has been overcast *yay!* for he past few days), and I am openly dreading the anticipated heat that this clear skies and shining sun promise.

I know that I should  be happy to welcome the sun, but I much prefer a melancholy order of things.

Nonetheless, today is promising to be a good day.

I’ve been doing the worst thing that probably any aspiring artist could do.

I’ve been watching old movies.

Lots of old movies.

The type of movies that fuel my fiery passion for pursing acting (little known fact about moi). You watch them and then end up with a broken heart because they are so wonderful that you wish you were part of it and it hurts that you are not (nor can be).

Its  bad also because I fuel up on inspiration with no way to channel it out! Like a cold brick of awe-inspiring admiration just settles in your gut for days.

Its like being constipated with creativity. (Crude, but actually a terribly effective illustration!)

Studying the way they move and speak- the way they create such amazing characters with particular mannerisms and quarks. I used to think that acting was just a walk in the park. And in some ways, based off of what little studying I’ve done, it is. In fact, there is a great danger in over thinking your lines or your character. Your body can become petrified and  your thoughts become stagnant. You get lost and confused and forget the whole reasons you’re acting in the first place, which is of course because you love it.

Something you love should be enjoyable and we make it so un-enjoyable for ourselves more often than not on account of perfectionism.

I am not a professional, and I don’t play one of TV. My statements are based off of observation and only some  youtube lessons I’ve had.

I still think it is a valid opinion and I hope very much that I will not fall into that trap.

But acting is hard. It is hard to truly and really be believable. That is what takes the practice.

Jimmy Stewart (<3), one of the greatest American actors of all time, honorary patriot and inspiring man of God once said that “the key to good acting is to forget that you’re acting at all”.

Don’t panic over memorizing the script or else you’ll lose all feeling in your character’s lines. The lines are tools for the actor to use to help covey the character- we’re just storytellers. A glorified story teller anyway.

You have to be believable. You have to deliver a scene that people want to watch. You can’t be painful or stiff. You have to be relaxed and natural.

These are the things that I need to learn how to do. I recite lines to myself form my favorite plays all the time and from my perspective, I sound very stiff and shallow. I know  what I want to sound like, but for some reason I cannot speak how I want to.

I am eager to get back home so that I can crack the code and carry on with my pursuits.

I often feel  like it is too late. I’ll never be able to achieve my goals and I’ve blown my whole life. But then I read about the lives of my favorite actors (Stewart, Gable, and many of the other classic artists) and they started their careers in acting after collage. In fact, most of these people had different pursuits in mind and just stumbled upon acting and stuck with it.

I’ve wanted to try this my whole life, and just because I haven’t doesn’t mean that I can’t!

What if I didn’t think of being a actress until yesterday. What if my desire was really that new- would I shoot myself down for not having thought of it sooner? No!

I live in a culture obsessed with youth. And I have unknowingly accepted these lies and have been beaten up by them.

The truth is James Stewart finished collage, dabbled in acting, went on to be very very active and ranking in the US Air Force, came back to acting, retired for that then went on to be a deacon at is church.

He died at 89 with a very imactful legacy trailed behind him. He lead a life that people noticed because he had integrity, ambition, and a noticeable good heart.

he didn’t think too highly of himself and I think that is the key. The key to anything.

Not just good acting, but success in general.

I’ve said it before, but it is worth repeating:

‘Don’t think less of yourself, but think of yourself less.’

That is humility.

I pick on Jimmy because he  is  my favorite actor (a very close second is Clark Gable). I know that sounds cliche, but for what it is worth, I’ve admired them before I knew that they were as big as they were.

eh, who cares.

It isn’t a competition anyway.

These posts have turned into more of a journal entry type of thing. So if at any moment you get bored of my rambles, I hope that you will excuse yourself and be on with your day.

I am 20 and 8 months. Here is where i have to make the choice to believe that I do have more time ahead of me even though it feels like most of my time has passed. I have so much that i want to give. I want to do so many things. I want to leave a legacy on this earth. I often feel like I’ve been lazy and ineffective.

My most propionate fear is that I’ll run my life into the ground by not doing anything that I want to do. I mean that not in a sense of being scared that I won’t  get what I want. I mean it to say that I won’t give what I want because what I want to do is give.That is the heartbeat of who  I am. I want to give what I have to inspire people. I want to be able to inspire people to do good and want to leave their own good mark on this world, too.

That all starts now though, by leading a godly life here in the everyday scene.

These scenes I get to practice over and over and over again, playing an extra in everyone else’s lives, and the leading lady in my own. I get to practice being kind, patient, angry but not sinful, grateful and giving. I get to practice these parts every waking moment. Every thought captive (2 cor. 10:5), not conforming to this world, but being transformed by the renewing of my mind (romans 12).

Those are the hardest things to do because it is so unnatural to think of yourself less.

Whenever I get fed up or aggravated with the whole thing, I just remember that God is trying to make me Holy, not happy.

ouch.

My dream still sleeps now, but until I can get where I want to be, I practice the mundane things and pray for open doors and encounters with the right people- people to help me get where I want to be. I am ignorant and vulnerable. I need people to help me along the way- I’m really trying to learn to trust Him with it all.. which is hard because I want to be productive and do what I can to get where I want to be, but that isn’t the way He operates.

If I want to give, I need to start by giving what I have now in preparation to give what I’ll have later. If I want to inspire people in a big way, I have to practice by inspiring those close to me now.

It is hard to ignore the pulsing desires of my ambitions pounding in my heart. All I want to do is let them out and chase them to the top. But I must be patient and wait on the Lord. I have to be intentional about trusting that He sees it all and knows my heart better than I do. He has made me on purpose and does have a plan and purpose for my life.

I must keep my eyes on eternal things and not be consumed by this materialistic world I’m in, no matter how loudly my heart may pound.

I believe I’ll accomplish my goals. I really do.

But I won’t get anywhere worrying or over thinking or trying to control the situations.

it hasn’t helped in the past, and it won’t help now or in the future.

Everything is in His hands, which means that He sees the way my life is going to be plotted out based off of my decisions and choices along the way.

So I guess I do have control over most of my life- I get to control how I think and what I believe, which is the hardest yet most noble task for anybody to do.

You’re a hero if you conquer your own mind, combatting lies with godly, sound, biblical truth.

I hope that my pursuit for nobility will infect every area of my life and those around me whether I’m in Atlanta, Korea, New York, Los Angels, Switzerland, Nashville, in my car, at work, at home or on a walk.

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10:44 am.

 

 

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2 thoughts on “K#4|Not Much.”

  1. Sky,
    You already have so many talents, given to you by Abba, Daddy. You can sing beautifully, write from the heart, communicate well, etc., etc.! I think God sent you along with Bess & fam to not only help them, but to have time away from the craziness of life in America in order to hear HIM! Just listen in the little things, especially the children. As I am a child of the King’s longer, I see why He wants us to become like little children. They follow without questioning, well as much as we question anyway! They trust easily. They are real and honest. They are awesome!
    You can do anything you are led to! And you will do it well! I recalled in the pics of little Evvie above an old saying, “Brighten the corner where you are,” or another one, “Bloom where you are planted.” Which is what she is doing just by being Evvie! So be you, and be Jesus to those around you now, and in His time, He will move you to other things. I love you so much and am so proud of you!
    Aunt Jayne 🙂
    “God understands the way to it and He alone knows where it dwells, for He views the ends of the earth and sees everything under the heavens.” Job 28:23-24

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  2. Dear Sky,
    You can do ANYTHING you want, and have the talent with which to do that- and it is from Abba, Daddy. I can see you as an actress and doing it naturally as your guy, J Stewart! You write so beautifully, you sing like an angel, you are blessed with many talents. I think God has given you the time away from the busyness of life here, to really speak to you. Yes, as you say, enjoy life now. Waiting is the hardest, yet most important part. As I have heard said somewhere, “Brighten the corner where you are.” As I see little Evvie doing that now! Smile at someone who needs it, and look into their eyes when doing so. Loving on and being there for Bess and Davis is a BIG thing now- so do that like you were on Broadway! I get excited reading your post, for what the Lord has in store for you. In His time, in His way. Enjoy the ride!
    i love you very much, Aunt Jayne 🙂

    “Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Be strong and courageous.”
    Joshua 10:25

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