Thoughts and Squabbles in this Late Hour

I am laying in my bed watching hands of my clock swirl around and around their dance floor to a very timely tempo. My own metronome in my chest begins to tick and tock along with their cadence and I am beginning to wonder if I will ever encounter my dear long lost friend Slumber ever again. The loss of such a friend makes me very sad. I rather liked the ‘ol fellow. I suppose I will be left here to wonder what I did to chase him away.

My eyelids are heavy, but I cannot sleep. My body is done moving but I cannot rest. My mind is so busy I really could scream. Why do I have nights like this? There isn’t even a moon out tonight. No moonlight filtering through my window to keep me company. No starlight flickering to cheer me up. Just black.

Now the ceiling fan has joined in the chorus of my bedroom symphony. A gentle whistling sound from the fan adds a contrasting lull next to the staccato of the clock. The vents are chiming in with a crackle and a pop. An improvising percussionist who has no concept of pattern.

Much to my surprise the heat of the day stayed outside tonight, and I feel cool, refreshed and weary. Little bit of opposition in that description, but it is nonetheless the way I feel.

I hear the cicadas outside singing along to my bedroom song; a sound that I always relish because of its sentiment. Memories from my childhood come flooding to mind whenever I hear cicadas. I think of long hot summer days, and long cool summer nights. I remember spending all of my time in the glorious summer night air. I see my scuffed up self and the sweaty mess I’d be every night when I came in for bed.
That was a really sweet time and I regret the portions I spent ungrateful and rushed. That was a time rich in innocence and cushioned with dreams. I was such a big dreamer. I dreamed life would be wonderful once I grew up. At risk of sounding clique, I was wrong.
Not that life now is all bad, it just doesn’t match the picture I had cherished and hoped for in my mind all those years.
So far my journey has been a trail of disappointments and series of chaotic events. But i have come to grips that that is indeed the normal. I like my world better in my head, but reality, unfortunately, has the final word and too often is influenced my fate. And fate my friend, seems to have in for me.
At the end of the day, once all is said and done, life is just too important to wish it all away on some idillic world that doesn’t exists. The time is now, and it is time to get going, and start living these ambitions out instead of letting them rule havoc in my head. I’ve spent enough time being disappointed, I am ready to ENJOY life. I am ready for something good. Very ready.

My eyes are getting fuzzy and resistant to the glare from the screen. The music in my room is finally fading away from my ears to where it may not disturb me if I do end up catching a few winks.


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