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K#19|Untitled Song

Veres1:The Beat of my heart is a beautiful song

That You orchestrated before I was born

You thought of my eyes and the shape of my smile

How beautifully they would let Your love shine

Chorus: After all

That is why I’m alive

To contrast a world so dark

and point all of the broken hearts

to You

and Your loving arms

Verse2: Exhale gratitude Inhale joy

Because I know nothing is in my control

You’ve loosened my grip on my finite plans

Lord help me rest in Your capable hands

Chorus 

Bridge:Search me and know my heart

Thank You for healing all of the broken parts

Threadbare and torn

You mend and refill

With Your love (for me)

Runneth over

It spills

Verse3: Sun smiles at the moon he smiles back

a perfect example of how I want to live

Search me and know me

Imperfect and warn

Help me reflect your beautiful heart

Chorus

Maybe I can recruit some people to help me record it.

:)))

-Sky

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K#18 part 2 | Stop Motion–an ancient relic from my youth.

I created this video when I was 17.

I never did rerecord it as I promised to in the description.

I also mis-titled the theme song.

The correct title of the song is “Lovers in Japan”, not “Lovers of Japan”.

Best verse:

“Tonight maybe we’re gonna run
Dreaming of the Osaka sun
Oh, oh
Dreaming of when the morning comes”

154. pools of rain cupped in red leaves

157. trash and treasure

165. teary eyes

166. eyelids stinging, heart relaxing (some)

169.little boys with courageous hearts; mini warriors.

174.energy and spirit–untamed vigor.

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K#18| Brain Dump.

Life is a beautiful gift.

Don’t clutter it with words.

Pack one bag.

Make a good playlist.

Soul food songs.

Open your eyes.

Close your mouth.

Listen.

Soak it all in.

Don’t let your heart complicate things.

Not much can stop it from feeling,

and you shouldn’t aim to suffocate your emotions

(unless they are wrong, or sinful).

Feel.

Are you alive to merely survive?

Null existence wafting from one day to the next?

Doesn’t your whole being surge with energy at the thought of possibilities?

Opportunities?

Anything could happen!

Don’t you want the fullest?

Then go!

What is stopping you? Fear? Lame excuse. Why give fear the time of day? Devours all. Glutton, I say starve him. Deprive the enemy of your anxiety.

Turn it into praise.

Gratitude.

Thank You Father in Heaven for my feeble heart, delicate, cupped gently in your hands.

Weapon of praise is powerful.

Sharp tongues.

Guitar strings humming in my hears still.

Piano keys echo in my head.

Voices hollow in an empty church.

Sanctuary vacant.

Shoes shoved beside the piano, keeping time with my foot.

Off beat.

Oh well.

Bodies will cram in cold seats.

Side by side, but never touching.

Stand and sorta sway, but too afraid to exude any emotion.

Why?

These are Your people–why are we cold?

Joy where are thou?

If not in music, a praise song, an anthem of gratitude, then where?

Fall crept in, caught me by surprise.

Lovely surprise.

I’ve eaten way too many pretzels. 

Sorry Bess.

I wish I had gotten a picture of the clock on the 11th at 12:13pm. It would have been 10/11th 12:13pm ’14.

Confetti litters the sidewalks and streets outside. Brown, reds, gold crushed with pinecones and acorns.

Absolutely littered.

I had another urgency to kidnap a child today.

This tie time it was a little girl (3 maybe) bundled in her stroller. Beneath the weight of her many cozy layers, her little black pony tail (center stage) some how managed to protrude from her pink hood.

Chapped skin, so cuddly.

I really wanted to steal her.

Come to think of it, I had encountered a kindergarden class on a nature walk earlier.

Oh man.

Too much adorable for one person to try and carry on her own.

Someone help!

My eyes are burning.

Too late for computering.

I was just telling Bess how I’ve been convicted about my habits.

Up too late, too much computer, too many pretzels.

idle girl.

Open your eyes.

Close your mouth.

Watch the world.

Without a lens.

Wide open

wide open

wide open

Wide open

wide open

wide open.

open

open

open.

Shut.

143. Asian toddlers round and cheeky

148. Pretzels

149. Evvie’s apple pie heart

151.hollow voice

152. piano echo

153. People. All the peoples.

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K#17| Scribbles and Scratches

Napkins

Paper towels,

back of church bulletin

coffee coozie

hands

arms

magazine subscription flyers

envelopes

All of these objects have served as song writing tablets for me at one time or another over the 5 or 6 years that I’ve been at this song-writing-music-making thing.

I seldom use an actual sheet of paper.

When inspiration comes you have to capture it the best you can with what you have, and I’m usually never prepared.

:P

Thus, on napkins and bookmarks and business cards I write. Cram words so tiny. Ink bleeds all of the letters together. Usually the songs are not legible, but something about physically writing them cements them to the heart.

The good ones anyway.

And usually about 90% of these squabbles I tread to call songs are garbage.

That isn’t a jab at my talent or implication that I lack creativity. It just takes a good 20 or 30 crap chicken scratches before a semi-worth-while song is birthed.

Then several “ok” ones before a decent one come to pass.

Then, of course, an excellent song will only come when it feels like it.

You cannot manufacture a good song. I’ve tried. In fact often I go back and re read from my “crap” song pile and find something worth while.

Song writing boils down to the simplest thing: Keep the ink flowing. Don’t stop. Don’t over think. Just keep the words coming, vocabulary growing, writing everything, and writing nothing at all.

Be absolutely you.

Napkins absorbs the messy emotions that spill from the heart better.

I like it that way.

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This photo was taken last fall in north Georgia. This kinda sums up how I feel right now. Transitioning, breaking a little. “Consider it pure joy…” 

This is an excerpt from a song a friend and I are writing together.

It is untitled at this time, but the melody has a lot of momentum. I enjoyed writing and look forward to fine tuning it tomorrow.

Chorus:

Shadows move flood the streets

darkness misguides my feet

Lights flicker and die away

Sparkling city nights blinking

To the song the city sings

of hollow steps and heartbeats

echo through the city streets

V3:

Dark descending all around

I really must hurry now

Onwards to home I run

Till I hear a nasty thud

 

Knees scuffed palms red

I must be a child again

Fading now from lights

Carefully ​I count my strides

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Oh yeah, Rivvy says “Stay fat and happy!”

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K#16| Yeah, I don’t know either.

Maybe reasons are over rated.

‘Just because’ kinda sums up how I’ve been feeling lately.

Tired, I guess.

Obsessive thoughts going around with no hope of subsiding. Cyclones whirl up dust of dead thoughts, the un-dealt with wreckage from days and weeks and months ago that lay scattered in its wake. Graveyard–memories–that hurt or  happy, unsettled left opened as if picking them up and thinking about them again repeatedly will cure the unanswerable(s).

Always grasping for the unreachable. Control. Which is an illusion, by the way. Aiming for control, but what kind of game is that anyway? What is the target? What motivates my chase?

Fear?

Or something like that.

Yeah, I don’t know either.

Just feeling worn out mentally.

I cannot control how people think of me, what they think or how they respond to me.

The real lament is this: Why on earth would I want to control perceptions of others? What kind of chaos would ensue.

Chaos!

Only God can discern the human heart. That isn’t my job. Praying for them is. Staying on the path of obedience, that is doing the things we already know to do, our steps become clear by His determination of “good timing”. 

Not mine.

When I type these truths out, and reread them from the screen, I can sense my spirit start to settle…dare I say relax.

If I trust someone, why would I not take him/her at their word (proverbs 3. I recommend the whole chapter, but I’ll tag this post with an excerpt at the end).

I’ll think of a good illustration of what I’m trying to say.

Life get messy and emotions have a tendency to blur the lines of reason. Or erase them completely. Thats when I fall. I lose sight of truth and rely on my fickle, weak, wounded, unstable heart for solace. (Jer. 17:9)

Until I get the dots connected, I want to hover over this one solid truth–I want to remember this:

For now, just be a doer. You may not know the nitty gritty daily details of your life, but God is very clear about the broader tasks and instructions. We know the will of God for our lives. Thats not the question you should be haunted with. What should haunt you is this: Do I trust and love Him enough to obey Him? To take him at his word? Being made into His likeness by way of physical obedience or am I decaying spiritually into the likeness of death at the response of disobedience?

Peace follows obedience. Every. Single. Time. That is one thing that I  do know for sure.

I am disobedient predominately in the area of trust.. if you think of me this week (Mom, Jenny, Jayne, Dad.. common observers) pray for strength in that area. He has given me a few opportunities to exercise my trust muscles.  But I keep blowing it, making a wreck of my heart…anxious, fearful, the normal Skylar sort of plagues. :P

The funny thing about the heart is that no amount scolding from my lips with cause submission of the heart to my mind. It just keeps bleeding. Pulsing, beating, feeling, wanting, on and on with no ears to reason.

Yeah, maybe something like that.

I don’t know either.

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Chicken scratch. Inky thoughts.

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Peace sign photo bomb…Hannah.

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Sunday afternooning.

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Weeds are always prettier than flowers.

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Daisy chain kind of day.

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Brush strokes.

unnamed (1)

Spilled paint.

It isn’t apathy, I promise. I am not lazy.

Hands on my watch will not stop counting. “tick tick tick tick tick tick” all through the day and all through the night,

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just a subtle reminder: Sky, you do not have any control.

“The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.” C.S. Lewis

Proverbs 3:1-12 

(Do yourself a favor a read the whole chapter)

1My son, do not forget my [a]teaching,
But let your heart keep my commandments;
For length of days and years of life
And peace they will add to you.
Do not let kindness and truth leave you;
Bind them around your neck,
Write them on the tablet of your heart.
So you will find favor and good [b]repute
In the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
It will be healing to your [c]body
And refreshment to your bones.
Honor the Lord from your wealth
And from the first of all your produce;
10 So your barns will be filled with plenty
And your vats will overflow with new wine.
11 My son, do not reject the [d]discipline of the Lord
Or loathe His reproof,
12 For whom the Lord loves He reproves,
Even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.

Isaiah 48:17-18

Thus says the Lord,
    your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel:
“I am the Lord your God,
    who teaches you to profit,
    who leads you in the way you should go.
 Oh that you had paid attention to my commandments!
    Then your peace would have been like a river,
    and your righteousness like the waves of the sea;

117. Choice to trust. Practice to trust. Testing that produces perseverance.

135. empty sunday afternoons filled with coffee and  conversations

136. weeds. Always prettier than flowers

140. Lack of control. Takes the pressure off (at least in theory)

142. appetite for righteousness– the promise that I will be filled (Matthew 5:6)

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K#15|Take Heart

I’ve written this poem in response to the ‘outbreak’ of fatal dis-ease in our country.

While it is crucial to build your immune system in defense of ‘environmentally induced’ sicknesses that plague the physical body, it is of utmost importance  to nurture your spirit with a TRUTH which will withstand every tribulation imaginable to man.

Don’t forget about the sovereignty of God and His love which conquered, defeated, smothered, defied, triumphed, trampled, blistered (or whichever verb you would like to place here) death and its power on man.

Come Lord Jesus!

Take Heart,

Skylar

Take Heart

Skylar Barger

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Chaos and pain

Evil will gain

But only as it may seem.

Evil will reign

But he will not remain,

Cling to The  King of Kings.

Weak and diseased

These bodies that breath

We choose to believe the the lies.

Forgetting the Author of all

In fear we turn our heads

We plug our ears

and close our eyes.

Hearts barley beating

Fear crippling

The world around us is turning to death.

Take heart believers

put on the mind of Christ

Don’t forsake Him; have faith

The powers that be prowl for now

But will soon cease to exists.

The ones whom He loves

Who love Him in return

Will not die, but forever live.

Take Heart

Don’t allow any stains to remain

from this world on your hands

Don’t believe the media

Don’t support their parades

But posture purity and faith in His plans.

He promised trouble

He predicted pains

Knowing that this earth is fading fast away

The trails are here

to refine out the fear

We glimmer to reflect Him clear against the rage.

He holds the ones who love Him

He cherishes their hearts

When we choose to walk away from God

That is when the real pain starts.

Take heart Christians

Do NOT exchange

The Truth in the Word

For the worlds unstable ways.

Do not be afraid of what is to come

Don’t forget, but remember:

The battle is won.

Encouraging verses to imprint on your heart: Proverbs 14:30, John 10:10, John 16:33, Psalm 91. 

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K#14|Mind Soil – Most Fertile Ground

” Giving thanks for one thousand things is ultimately an invitation to slow time down with weight of full attention. “
Full weight of attention. 
The Weight of full attention. 
To live life, requires that you  learn how to experience time moment by moment.
Breath by breath.
Slowing the clock down with a simple “Thank You!” ?
That is gratitude.
Pausing to say “Thanks”.
Looking for avenues to express gratefulness.
Time is  a racing river.
Rushing.
A river raging to meet its end without any regard for anyone’s need to stop.
You cannot bottle time.
Time stops for no one.
It is a constant stream.
Never exhausts.
Never needing a break.
I would really love to stop time in order to make up for the many (many many) days, hours, minutes and seconds that I’ve wasted, existing as a hollow body wafting through the earth totally void of passion or pursuit. To busy hurting.
Steady focus only on me and my disappointments. Deaf ears and blind eyes to world of gifts and people loving around.
Heart calloused, guarded and bruised. Holding onto my pain because I felt wronged.
To much hurt.
To much disappointment.
Not enough for me.
To.
Much.
Self.
-
Lord, forgive me.
-
I didn’t know why He wouldn’t  freeze time for me. Wasn’t I important enough to Him? Why wouldn’t he go out of His way to halt the universe, orbits and the earth all in mid twirl, so that I could somehow ‘fix’ the damages, revive the wasted, revisit the regrets and make everything all better. So I could feel better.
False promise of joy, turns out.
A remedy completely relying on myself.
Self strength.
I want to erase the F- ‘s all the way through the B+’s. Swipe clean so I’ll be clean. Perfect. I want to be. Oh so beautiful, blemish-less, spotless. I don’t like the sin in my life. Why doesn’t it go away when you close your eyes? Why isn’t there a multi dimensional ‘sin’ eraser?
You’d think with all of the technology we have today…
Here I am again. Trying to tame the untamable. Trying to outsmart the calendar. Trying to stall the clock. How can I keep time from falling through my sieve? Is it my job to hoard hours? Where is it all going anyway?
Thoughts that will drive you crazy.
Blast you finite mind.
I understand now. His reasoning that is. I understand how He uses this earthly fire ground to refine us into His Son’s likeness. For His name’s sake (2 Corinthians 13:8, Romans 8:28, Psalm 66:10, James 1:2-4).
I understand now how it is necessary to wander, squander, fail and fall, suffer and cry through various periods of our life. Through time.
During this-so-called “dash” between our birth date and our last breath of murky earth air.
I see how He uses it as a tool.
I understand how deeply He cares for us (at least learning). I see His grace (that is, getting something we don’t deserve) and His mercy (not getting something we do deserve) governing my circumstances and ‘trials’.
I am learning to really see His goodness in the rubble. I see his fingerprints when I’m stripped bare–on my skin and in my heart I know His hands are holding me. (Proverbs 3:12, Hebrews 12:6, Psalm 91).
For the darker the pain, the brighter the glory.
The deeper the suffering, the fuller the joy.
It is in His mercy and grace that the seemingly bad things happen.
Crevices in my heart crack then gape under pressure.
I can count the ‘happy’ gift all day long, but it is hard to find the beauty in torn down rugged frayed bruised bleeding aching.
Gifts in the dingy.
Thanksgiving in the pain.
Gratitude and resistance–all at once?
Pain and joy are arteries of the same heart. They serve their purposes and keeping in the Biblical theme of balance (as a reflection of God’s character) I want/need to learn how to view the trying times with eucharisteo, too.
“Consider it all joy bretheren…” thus the anthem of James.
All Joy. 
How?
Open your eyes. Pray for eyes to see.
“The enemy comes to kill steal and destroy but I have come that you may have life and have it to the full.” (john 10:10).
The enemy of our souls is aiming to destroy us. He suggests doubt quietly in our mind.
In our thoughts we let doubt grow.
A vicious cancerous weed. We view our circumstances through this doubt (often fueled my our ignorance of Truth) and we crumble under the weight of “defeat”.
Can you not see? Are you too suffering from spiritual alzhymers? Forgetting what is truth and where the lies re hiding?
The enemy has no power over us (Luke 10:19).
The Lord gives and takes away (job 1:21).
Every good and perfect gift comes from Him (James 1:17).
He chastens the ones He loves (Hebrews 12:6).
Consider it all joy when you face trials of many kinds because the testing of our faith produces perseverance (James 1:2-4).
He allows heavy things to happen in our life (James 1:12, , 1 Peter 4:12-13)
All the while we are cupped in His loving hands (1 Corinthians 10:13, John 16;33, Psalm 23, psalm 91).
Under his watch he allows us to wander. He is the good shepherd. He allows us to stumble. He allows us to become depleted. He allows us to fall. He allows is to break. He allows us to mourn, to be weak and fragile (Matthew 5).
In the process of the heartache that the world so fervently offers,  I begin to slowly, under-currently, recognize my complete and utter lack of ability to supply the peace my soul is so wildly craving.
I’m left ravenous.
Which is the point.
I’m not supposed to manufacture peace. That comes from knowing Him and obeying Him.
Peace comes from the Father (Philippians 4:7, Isaiah 26:3, John 14:27, Isaiah 48:18).
Not from circumstances, not from relationships, not form comforts, not form indulgences, not form adventure, not from anything of this earth.
I think we’re supposed to break so that His love, peace, joy will better satisfy.
So we can be closer to Him.
That is where He wants us.
An appetite is the best salt.
He is after my heart–to clean, purge, refine. He loves me. Isaiah 43/44.
I am made pure (1 John 1:7-9, 3:2-3 Hebrews 9:14, Romans 10:10), I am victorious (Philippians 4:13, 1 Corinthians 5:56-58).
The task at hand isn’t to make me righteous enough for heaven. Blood shed, battle won, deal done (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John).
The task at hand is starving the sin in my life with the weedkiller of Truth and APPLICATION.
The fertile soil of the mind needs constant tending.
Its a battlefield.
There are too many verses to suggest on this topic (responsibility of beliefs, attitude, posture, integrity). I like James, Corinthians, Hebrews, Matthew for reading about Godly character.
Really every New Testament book.
Or old.
Just read the Bible.
All of it.
Where cannons once echoed, now stillness blends with the whispering wind.
The vacant grounds of an ended war.
Blood stained the earth so deep, a cry to the father and it was finished.
He rises three days later.
Now on the battlefield dew falls, kisses the brittle earth and life grows.
The ashes lay.
Dust settles and we get to choose what will grows there.
But do we believe that? We have responsibility over what we believe?
Pulling lies that we’ve sown out from the root.
It is hard.
We wonder how they’ve become so strong.
So deep.
So established.
As long as satan can keep us distracted with discontentment, anger, bitterness, hate, greed, self pity, anxiety, temptation or any other sinful thought or act, he is “winning”(even though it has been finished John 19:28-30).
We feed the sin seeds when we agree with the world.
In our hearts.
Music, movies, articles, celebrities, politicians, anything that is in opposition to God’s Word (1st John!!).
When we listen/watch/read, continuously, we are agreeing that the what the world has to say is better, more fulfilling than what God has said.
Don’t give the world nor the prince of this world that pleasure of your attention.
Don’t agree that your ways and your strength is more fulfilling than that which has been accomplished at the cross: death defying power and beauty of our risen Lord Jesus Christ.
Promise of eternal life at the confession from lips and surge in heart (John 10:10, John 3:16-17).
We’re left with a command to tell the world of Him and His Love (Matthew 28). A command to Love Him and to love others (Matthew 22:36-40).
Time isn’t supposed to stop because this is earth is not all there is. He knew that now matter how hard I pounded my fists, that stopping time would set us back form the beauty He has is store for us. For me. He always knows best.
There is more to the story (read Revelation).
Every tick is a minute gained toward the coming of Jesus Christ, a new heaven and new earth.
Not another minute lost to history.
This world is passing.
Nothing in my hands I bring. Simply to the cross I cling.
Humble yourselves.
Skylar, blessed are the humble.
Put your weight of full attention in this truth:
You stand from a position of victory because Christ’s victory at the cross. You are not fighting for victory. He has already done the work (Philippians 4:13).
It is however, your job to be steward of your mind (2 Corinthians 5:10, Romans 12, 1st John, James).
You get to choose what grows in your garden.
All seeds start out small.
Cultivate. Breaking the dry weary earth open.
Working the soil until it is pliable.
Fertilizing the ground.
Planting the seeds.
Watering.
Storms come.
Winds howl, test the integrity. Connection to the source. Stability.
Shaken but not moved. (Psalms 55:22, Hebrews 12:28)

“Therefore, since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe;” Hebrews 12:28

The harvest of gratitude is joy.
It is praise.
It is humility.
It is security.
Blessed are the humble.
Eucharisteo.
Giving thanks.
Pausing.
Looking.
Looking for Him.
Looking for reasons to thank Him.
Plant lie seeds (beliefs) and you’ll reap bitterness, anger, hate, ingratitude and all sorts of ugly.
The mind soil is very fertile.
You will reap what you sow.
Sow gratitude.
Reap more gratitude. Reap praise.
Fullness comes believing in the Truth.
In Christ.
Wholeness.
Whole living.
Living whole means living right.
Living right, loving God and His Word.
Eucharisteo.
Breath by breath, step by step.
Don’t be a hollow body just existing.
Be a warm body with a loud heart reflecting the glory and beauty of Christ.
Thank Him.
Open your heart to see with full weight of attention.
Open your eyes.

“Let him who is taught the word share in all good things with him who teaches.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. ” Galations 6:6-9

 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service.  And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:1-2

Thank you Father.
I’ve spilled my thoughts out as eloquently as I can. They are still tangled–riddons dangling beyond my reach floating farther into the blue– There are still untreked trails that I am simply too tired to venture tonight. See my heart and the way it wants to do good. I feel I can utter the words from Romans 7 as if they were my own . . . “For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. “
Even now as  I am typing these last few words, I see my eyes looking at my wrongs. The weight of conviction is heavy. Possibly shame? I know to do better. To make every effort (2 Peter 1:5-11, Ephesians 4:3, Hebrews 12:14, Luke 13:24, Romans 14:9).  Thank you for reminding me of the continual task it is to guard my heart. I have not made every effort.
My heart is relearning to beat. As it stings new songs of gratitude, I am dictated by joy to make every effort. Yes, it is out of the gratitude swelling in my heart, and the Joy that comes from know that You loved me so dearly, so preciously, to die for me that I can make every effort. I fall, fail, allow apathy to devour me. But the time is near, even this hour, Father as Your Word said. Help me tend my thoughts. To top wasting time on me stuff and be utterly devoted to Christ stuff. Your word. Your work.
Thank you that your burden is light (Matthew 11:30).
Help me remember to do what is right in Your sight. 
Skylar
 “Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.” Proverbs 4:23 (AMP)
74. gratitude and regret swelling my heart–human girl emoting
75.Remembering my weakness. Your way is full-filling.

76. Remembering: Fireflies imitating the stars above us. Twirling in barn skirts. Dreams pulse. Hope sown. Waiting begins.

77.Fragile times-delicate emotions. Easily shattered.

78. Continuously shattered. Continuously repaired.
79. Shepherd King who leads me by still waters
 
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